Friday, January 16, 2009

Snap. Crackle. Pop.

So in spite of my incessant whining about my broken bits, I've managed to complete a project.

Holidazed Socks:

And made decent progress on the nacent Leyburn Socks:

About those broken bits: The snap portion of the title owes to the fact that apparently when I took my fall I snapped my jaw shut forcefully enough to crack one of the veneers on my front teeth. I broke it several days later when I nibbled on a cough drop in a vain attempt to avoid coughing. This occurred on my journey north to the Tanforan Mall location of Fredrick's of Hollywood in my search for a corset – I pretty much sobbed on my way back home, thinking how much my life sucked – then super-glued the broken veneer back together and hopped back into my Jeep.

Ugh - how pathetic is that – Fredrick's of Hollywood!

I still didn't find a corset. Well, a corset was found. Then I discovered the truly abhorrent sight of back fat. Those oh-so-unappealing rolls of flesh from all that chocolate I now so deeply regret. Somehow I didn't think any shirt/blouse/sweater/tee-shirt I owned would be capable of covering that… abundance.

The crackle portion is evidently due to my failure to keep up with my asthma meds. Lying down, my chest sounds like cellophane being crushed. Resolved to keep up on the Advair… no matter how nasty it tastes.

Pop. Well this is the unpleasant part. Tired of looking at the boxes of Christmas decorations I bent to pick up a really small, light box. Stabbing pain… ready to call 911, certain I'd punctured a lung or was having a heart attack. After a minute or so I felt fine, but then realized that certain positions or motions caused a very painful popping sensation in my chest – specifically under my arm, where the broken rib was.

Another visit to the doctor, another set of X-Rays revealed that the broken rib is now slipping out of place - thus the popping sensation. My brand newly assigned doctor (beloved Dr.H. is on sabbatical) suggests that I try to bind my ribs or use a corset. So I off to Fredrick's I go… then the tooth fiasco…

I'm not saying this for sympathy points – at the point of the broken tooth I was pretty much hysterical with the "why me!!!" attitude – but in retrospect it was pretty funny. At the time I'd no idea that the fall and the broken veneer were related; my regular dentist mentioned it only because he'd had patients successfully collect from their homeowners insurance due to falls.

The whole dentist visit was pretty surreal. I didn't get to see my regular dentist, owing to the short notice/emergency nature, so was assigned to his partner, Dr. A. I couldn't help but notice his resemblance to a very young Christopher Heyerdahl who plays Druitt on Sanctuary – and had to figuratively bite my tongue (since it was quite numb) when I discovered his assistant was also a big SciFi fan. A mumbled conversation ensued about the upcoming BSG shows; poor Dr. A. looked baffled…

Good times. Remind me to laugh next month when it won't hurt so much!


junior_goddess said...

Oh good GOD. With the number of cross-dressers in your general location, Tanforan Square was the best you could come up with? Holy backfat, girl!!!

Michelle said...

Daaaang! That sounds awful!

Because I don't know anyone who had a stellar 2008, I believe that this month is shrapnel from last year. I certainly hope next month is way better!